I was glad that I made the time to go to Ohio to see my mom once more. I had decided that my reasons for not going were not all that good. Yes, it was disheartening to see Mom, compared to what she had been like the end of December. I have found that my fear of having a good final memory displaced by this one, that was not the case.
In my time with her, she only spoke to me once, and at that time it was my name she said. A few times Thursday and Friday, I tried to get her to drink a little -- water on Thursday and some of my milkshake on Friday. She did take a few sips of water through the straw; but she negatively reacted to me about a sip of my milkshake -- in a way, that was humorous, as that is the type of reaction we could have expected from her.
Because Easter Weekend is busy for ministers like Mark, Becky and I were glad to be in Ohio to free up Debbie and Mark for their responsibilities at church. We found it timely, in light of the discussion with hospice Friday evening that we (Becky, Dad, and me) had with Terri and the fact that 24/7 kicked in late the following afternoon.
When I left Ohio on that Saturday, I had with me Mom's writings about her life. My assignment was to try to sift through the material and come up with what to share about her by her at her memorial service. Most of the people who would be at her service, did not know Mom very well. We, the family, thought that if we could convey who our mom was, they would understand us better -- the people we have become, her legacy.
I did go to school Monday and Tuesday, although not many people were aware of what had occurred. Some knew I had been to Ohio and why. The teacher I work with is a long-time friend, and she knew what had occurred. Although she was surprised to see me at school those days, she understood why I wanted to be there. She made me feel comfortable about things and let me know that if I needed to take a breather for a bit, just to do it. I had with me to work on in my free time, my mother's writings. I did not have a lot of time to get 25 pages of typed material condensed to a presentation that would last about five minutes at the most.
As long as I did not talk much about what was going on in my life, I was fine. Talk to me, though, and I would get choked up.
I had two of the girls in my 2nd grade class ask me that Monday morning about my mother, as the teacher had told the class where I was. I said to them that my mother had spent the last part of Easter in Heaven. They thought that was pretty cool!
I did not want to make plans for time off until plans were settled about the memorial service. The primary piece of the puzzle was when would we be able to have the committal at Ohio Western Reserve Military Cemetery. Mark and Debbie were going to go make the plans that Monday.
It was odd to be saying farewell to Mom, when I left Ohio that Saturday. I knew that was it. It was odd to know that our family was changed. Yes, I have my moments. I get tears. I cry a little. Mom has always been here, even when she was in her bed, asleep, away from the conversation that was going on. She was a presence.
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